Coming Home

Friday evening my dad was released from the hospital. This was not expected and my dad's spirit was revived. He wanted nothing more than to be at home. Sometime in the coming week he will meet with hospice.


The Oncologist could not give us anything specific for how long he has. She estimates it to be months. For some reason I had it in my head that it was weeks. I felt an impending sense of urgency that seemed like a 400 pound gorilla was sitting on my chest. Hearing months versus weeks immediately freed me to breath again. I realize that there are no guarantees so I will cherish every minute I have with him. My mom also was relieved to hear months versus weeks. I can already see her pouring out love upon my father in ways I've not seen in a long time.


My two brothers (Wally & Tim) arrived today. My dad is very happy to see them. I am glad also as I only see them a few times a year. Tim lives in Chicago and Wally lives in Columbus.


I continue to have rushes of emotion. I cry easily now as I contemplate the end of my dad's life. I understand the process this cancer will take. I realize that his energy will slowly fade and that right now is the high point. I do not look forward to the eventual loss of energy. I want to him to always be strong and I'm coming to grips that he will eventually become weaker.


I helped him today to get up and go to the bathroom. I helped him put on his socks. For most of my life my dad helped me in many different ways. And I while I'm writing that I helped my dad, the reality is that he is still helping me. It is said that it is better to give than receive. My dad is helping me to learn to give. Life is truly like a rose. It is beautiful yet has thorns that bring pain. . My dad served me in life and now I get to serve him in death. I'm truly blessed. My tears are tears of joy and pain. I will miss my dad but my faith in an after life sustain me. I know that when he passes to the other side he will be embraced my those who went before him and have been waiting for him.


I know that one day too my dad will embrace me once again...