The Fishing Rod

It is sad that we allow events in our life to affect our relationships. As I mentioned in an earlier blog, I was afraid of my dad when I was growing up. Dad traveled for work and when he came home we was tired. He also suffered from allergy problems. As a result, he didn’t always display the most patience. Now, I can relate since I am not the most patient person either. Nevertheless, when you are little boy and dad is much bigger and yelled a lot it can be intimidating. Because he traveled, he was not available for father and son events. Now, mom made up for most of that so I certainly was not missing out playing sports or Cub Scouts. I just didn’t have quality time with Dad. So, my perception was that he was mad and yelled all the time. I say all this not for pity or to blame my lack of patience on him. I am a grown man (I’m 51) and responsible for my own behavior.

One of the best things Dad did was taking me fishing and even though he could be short with us, I enjoyed fishing and thus could tolerate his impatience. My love for fishing grew because of many trips we took. Some with Tim and Wally and some with only Dad and I. We have plenty of funny stories centered on camping and fishing I will tell later.

Anyway, as I grew into my teens I was fishing almost everyday. We had many ponds only a few miles from our house. I could be fishing within 15 minutes on ponds that had plenty of nice bass and crappie. Dad had a Fenwick worm rod that I really liked and he hardly ever used. He preferred spinning reels and I preferred at the time the infamous Zebco 33. The Fenwick was for spincast or baitcasting reel not a spinning reel. I was using his rod without asking him. I didn’t have the money in junior high and high school to buy a new rod. It is a good excuse anyway. I just really liked the rod. One day I am unloading my fishing tackle from the car. I had leaned the rod on the inside of the door as I reached to get something (probably a cigarette). The rod apparently slid and stopped on the door hinge about the same time a gust of wind came up and blew the door enough to close on and break the rod. Shit! Not only had I broken my favorite rod but it was my dad’s rod that I did not have permission to use. Plus, I couldn’t fish!

I didn’t tell my dad I had broken his rod. I was a coward that is all there is to it. As a result, I avoided him at all times. I was terrified that he would ask about it. At this time he was working at the Ford Glass plant on midnights so I really didn’t see him much anyway (nobody did really). I went on like this for several years and I allowed my fear of him to impact our relationship. I think he knew and was waiting on me to say something. He had every chance to yell at me like I thought he would. I was to stupid to realize that my perception of him was not reality. Yes, he had a short fuse and could yell loud. Yes, I witness some fights between him and mom. However, I really didn’t know how kind and generous he could be. That fact is, I didn’t know him.

My mom had a surprise birthday/Baby Shower for Lisa and I. I got married at 18 and would have my first child (Jessee) at 19. The shower was at mom’s house. All the family and friends were there. We had a few beers. Dad of course was a sleep because he worked midnights. Once I get a little loose, I felt remorse for breaking the rod and for not fessing up. So, I marched (stumbled is a better word) up the stairs to his room. I woke him up and confessed it all. Of course, I had tears and he was probably a little confused since I woke him up. He didn’t get mad or preach to me about responsibility and integrity. He could have and I deserved it. He just forgave me.

This event had affected our relationship for several years. I’m not sure he even knew why or if he did he never said a word. I realized then that he was not the man I thought he was. Our relationship grew from there. Now, we still had a few disagreements over the years but we also found many things in common. Dad always regretted not being around more when we were growing up. I can remember saying, “I’ll be a better dad then my father one day”. Well, I made many of the same mistakes he did. I allowed work to take a bigger part of my life then I should have. I wasn’t always patient with my children or wife. My dad on many occasions complemented my of being a good father. His affirmation meant the world to me.

I was got older my perspective changed. The anger at my father all those years began to melt away. I consciously forgave him a long time ago for anything I perceived he did wrong to me. I have never blamed my shortcomings on him.

The fishing rod was a wonderful life lesson on responsibility, honesty, and forgiveness. It also showed me what kind of man he truly was. I was not always proud of my dad when I was growing up. I am so proud of him now. He is a giving and loving person that I can only hope I grow into.
I am 51 years old and Dad is my hero…..